I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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