we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize