my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
