I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
