On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
