Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
