i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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