Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
