any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
