You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
