We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
