Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
