Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
