Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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