I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
