The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You need a sexual gate keeper
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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