I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize