Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
