I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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