I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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