I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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