Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
