ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sext me about skeletons
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
