I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
