I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
