Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Please don't give away my fajitas
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