did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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