im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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