She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
