fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
