And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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