Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
