Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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