Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
