the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize