I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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