I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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