my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
