Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize