Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
