we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize