I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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