I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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