i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize