I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
