we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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