i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
