just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
