Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
