I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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