I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
