So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
