Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
