she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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