I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
