you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
