yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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