Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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