hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
