He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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