Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
