i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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