It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
