Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
