she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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