shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
